I haven’t done this whole blog thing in a loooong time. Truth is – I haven’t really wanted to.
After I lost my job in November, I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I figured nobody hires around the end of the year unless it’s for temp jobs at the retail stores in the mall, and the holidays were coming up, so I’d just ride it out and wait until January to look for a new path; I’d take time off and ‘find myself’ or whatever people usually do when they lose that routine. Well, that got old. quick.
By December, I was in full denial that it was even affecting me. I was all whatevs and saying things like ‘I’m fiiiiiine‘ the way Ross said it when he found out Rachel and Joey were dating and invited them over for fajitas and seriously burned his hands on the hot plate after drinking a whole pitcher of margaritas. (Whoa Friends reference) It wasn’t quite that bad, but let’s just say I would wake up in the morning and grab a coffee and drive for hours though the hills alone listening to music and singing as loud as I could.
I like that stuff.
Here’s the thing about me :: I’m not quite an introvert, but I don’t actively seek friends. I’m completely content being alone. I’m an independent person by nature and am not used to relying on others to provide happiness in my life. Now, when I’m hooked up with someone, it’s a different story – I suddenly turn all girly and giddy and considerate in an overdoing it way. I’m a people pleaser. But this isn’t always good for me in terms of self-preservation. And I felt defeated.
Now, it’s almost the end of January and I’m looking back on what’s been going on. I’m not happy to have lost the job opportunity, but it did allow for free time and all that figuring out my life stuff.
My sister called my crying one night about all the woes of being almost-twenty and college, boys, work, being poor, family drama – cuz you know, 19 is still a teenager and teenagers have all the major dramz. She’s a bit theatrical, but I could tell this was more serious and meant more to her than just the petty stuff, so I flew down to Texas to be with her.
And Texas was gooood.
I saw my family, I saw my Hunter boy, and Christmas was also in there somewhere.
It’s funny how much you enjoy something that you didn’t realize you were missing. I guess family just tends to do that to you – They remind you to suck it up and get back to being yourself again.
I had a full two weeks in my hometown where I ate way too much food, enjoyed the weekly Starbucks/playground run with my little bro, and watched a ton of Bravo to get me back in the swing of things. I returned home a different person than I left and don’t worry, my sister is back to being only slightly eccentric.
All the November blues have now washed away. I feel refreshed. oh yeah, and I went back to school! ahhh. look out, world. Even though this season has not been as kind to me as I’d like, the circumstances have allowed me to spend Christmas in Texas and have extra family time here in St. Louis. For that, I am grateful.