You know what I realized? I’m a nomad. Sometimes I sit back and wonder why my life isn’t like everybody else’s. Other grownups all have houses and husbands and kids… and I want that too but I haven’t found someone with the desire for change of scenery like I have. I was born with this intense need to fly, this wanderlust & it has only gotten stronger in my old age. This is a problem. How am I supposed to live a “normal” life if I’m always moving across the country? (What is normal anyway?) I’d just like to find a place where I can breathe and have adventures. I’m longing for a place with open air and trees and mountains. That’s the kind of vast I’m looking for. The beach is nice, but I’ve been there – done that. I’ve seen the end of the world where the water goes on forever and you could lose yourself in your thoughts, but I need more of the BAM! in-your-face magical, “how did that get there and man is it gorgeous – I must climb it” type of scenery. I’ve been in the city my whole life and I’m just kind of done with it. I love all the windows and steel that seem to go on forever up into the sky, but please just let me climb and run up a trail and raft in the rivers. The green is good for the soul. My mother would be furious, my dad would say it’s irresponsible, my brother would cry – but good for the soul, people! The soul.
I was going to move across the country (AGAIN) but I decided to stay. [oh it’s so difficult for me to say that] I’ve done a lot of running in my last 10 years of life. I don’t really think it’s healthy to run. It’s healthy to travel. It’s healthy to experience new places, new people, new cultures, but only for a short time – otherwise, you look at your current state of affairs and wonder why nothing really feels like home. But I’m restless! I like change, I like life to be a little uneasy – a little uncomfortable & unknown, and I like living in places where nobody knows me. I get to be someone different for a change – it reminds me to find myself again.
For now, a move is not in the cards for me. Maybe after a little more planning and a lot less uncertainty.
Being a Gemini is so confusing. I am always trying to figure myself out and then I realize I’m dealing with a constant state of dualities and I’ll never be really sure of who or what I am. One thing that gives me a little stability, a little kick in the ego, a little “relax – I got this” is my best friend, Hunter. He seems to know all of the confusing, whirling dervish, moody, perplexing, introspective extrovert that I am, and he STILL hangs out with me! Although, after putting up with this nonsense for 13 years, he’s kinda invested (hah!) Sorry, Haynes. Cheers to you, buddy. Just know I’m working on it.